Funny Friday

Hey All,

I'm feeling shitty tonight and the one thing that usually makes me feel better is SNL.

Especially when they make fun of Oprah.

Google Turns Into Blackle

Ok, so this whole 'save the environment' kick that the mainstream has gotten on board with seems a little fishy to me. And the influx of the rich and famous espousing the merits of green power leaves a horrible taste in my mouth. I guess it's the arrogance that accompanies many of the pleas for reducing our collective carbon footprint.

It's a bit difficult to take in Leo, Madge, and Al's suggestions when it seems that they are huge contributors to the problem, and in some cases profiting from environmentally destructive behaviour.

But I do like it when people practice what they preach and at Google, they've done just that.

A few weeks ago some journalist wrote an article about the amount of energy that is drained by a white computer screen compared to a black computer screen.

In response Google has created 'Blackle'. Blackle works the same as Google, except it only drains 58 watts of energy when on the screen.

So next time you need to do a search try out:

www.blackle.com

You Know It

A House For My Uncle and Aunt In Australia

So I apparently am rubbing it in when I show a floor plan of my 650 foot apartment in Wortley Village when it comes to my cursed family in Australia.

Catherine and Colin are house hunting in Oz, which is about as easy as trying to understand the Australian accent, I'm told.

Keeping that in mind I took it upon myself to find them a house in Jerrabomberra. I'm trying not to giggle when I say that, but I find it funny that the name of their neighbourhood rhymes.

Here it is!

It's got 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and something called a 'rumpus room'.

It also has a pool. Because air conditioning is not something that is standard in Australian homes. Which I think, for a lack of a better and more politically correct word, is retarded. When I eventually go and visit I want to be comfortable.

The only draw back is the double garage. As I understand this means more potential for "'Roo Poo" droppings around the vehicle.

This whole package can be theirs for a measley $685,000.

Now before my lovely Auntie gives me a lecture on the responsiblity of home buying and the ridiculous-ness of this property I will say...um...get over it and get it. I want to stay in a fancy house in Jerrabomberra (more giggling) when I finally get to the bottom of the world.

Besides, I'm sure Colin could rake in a few extra bucks...he fixes helicopters...How many people know how to fix helicopters? All I'm say is maybe he forgets to screw in the last screw. And maybe that last screw is worth something to someone...all I'm saying...

Welcome to the The Real O.S.

Well, today I'm in Owen Sound touring around Huron, Bruce and Grey counties for RISE for Youth...as of today I've been to:

- Women's Shelter, Goderich

- Women Today of Huron, Goderich

- Bluewater Youth Centre, Goderich

- OPP, Goderich

- Big Brothers/Big Sisters, Kincardine

- Women's House, Kincardine

- Saugeen Native Drug and Alcohol Addiction Centre, Saugeen

Sigh.

Tomorrow I hit the women's shelter, CHOICES (addictions agency), Keystone (child and youth agency), Grey Bruce Sexual Assault Centre in Owen Sound and Ontario Works and Public Health Unit in Walkerton.

Then I will sleep long time.

So far, so good.

The most memorable stop? Bluewater Youth Centre...the jail for kids...seriously. I had to get clearence to get into the 'compound'. The security guard at the front had one arm and a claw arm. I kept wondering if one of the kids in the detention centre ripped it off trying to escape (jk). But, all in all very nice people.

Tomorrow is another day.

There Are Better Things To Get Worked Up Over...

...than these metal trees.

Seriously, if people in this city made as big a stink over the ridiculous rate of kids in the sex trade in London in this city as they do about those metal trees that were put downtown I would hear those two special words everyone in social services melt at: 'core funding'.

I think we all need to take a collective breath and realize a couple of things.

Firstly, tax dollars didn't pay for the trees. The Downtown Business Association did. So calm yourself.

Second, the downtown core can't really get any worse, don't you think? A bit of colour and (wait for it) art isn't going to hurt anyone.

Third, don't you people have better things to do than to write letters to the editor about some silly little metal trees? As a future resident of downtown area I don't really care. They're actually a nice addition to the garbage in the streets.

And finally, this is directed to the London Free Press. You people have published over TEN letters to the editor in your paper from people getting angry over metal trees. And yet, you can't publish my letter about a situation that is far more important and damaging to the downtown area...PIMPS.

Argh. You people will never listen.

My Floor Plan!

Ah, yes.

Here it is, all mine.

My BIG News! I Signed A Lease!

THIS IS MY BUILDING!

I signed the lease this afternoon for a 1 bedroom apartment in Wortley Village, 5 minutes from the Covent Garden Market!

Perfect!

Move in date is September 1st (a Saturday, Labour Day Weekend!)...so if you can help move me in...that would be great....beer and pizza at the end!

Ah...calm.

AH! Anxiety!

Oh, boy.

Exciting News...Tomorrow.

Ok everyone, tomorrow at this time I hope to be able to share some very exciting news with you all...I'm getting super excited about it and trying not to (because I am my father's daughter and therefore follow the rule 'if it's too good to be true, it probably is, and if so keep your expectations incredibly low, just in case. And don't make a big deal out of anything. Ever.') be overly excited until it's set in stone.

So come back tomorrow and hopefully I'll have some very good news to share.

Here We Go...

Ok, everyone keep your fingers crossed.


The apartment hunting begins in earnest tonight.


Bear in mind I make very little and had to invest in an expensive car for the job...I don't want to live in a hole...but I'm prepared to the fate of a a bachelor if necessary.


If I move into a bachelor I will move to change the name...Bachelor is stupid.

My Most Favourite Show. Ever.

Ok, so one of my most favourite television shows is 'Dead Like Me'.

If you haven't caught it, it's for good reason.

It was on Showtime for only two awkward seasons. They are running the reruns on Bravo, so catch it if you can.

'Dead Like Me' is a dark comedy...just the way I like them. Because I'm uncomfortable with drama.

DLM follows the story of grim reapers, our protagonist being George, an 18 year old who was killed by a toilet seat falling from a Russian space station.

I recently got the entire series on DVD and I'm loving it.

I couldn't decide what clip to share, so here's a trailer of the first season, I'll put more up if I think they're worthy.

P.S. The next television show that gets to stand along side DLM for being way before it's time is 'Firefly'. More on that later.

Enjoy!

Rated

Ok, so some of you who scroll down to the end of this page may have noticed an addition.

I have been rated.

Yes, there is a website where you can submit your blog and they will scan it and rate it.

Apparently, this blog is rated: R. For restricted.

The reason? Because I wrote vagina like, 10 times or something.

And gay, don't forget that.

So apparently, vagina and gay are bad, bad words.

That's such crap. Oops, crap was on their list...That's such fecal matter.

So, take a look at the rating, because in defiance I am taking it down in a bit.

Vagina is not dirty. Get over it. And last time I checked 'gay' wasn't a bad word.

I'm tempted to type in some really nasty stuff to justify my point, but my grandparents frequent this site, so I won't.

Happy Canada Day!

Hope everyone had a great Canada Day!

I went to the fireworks at Byron this year.

For those of you who don't know about geography of London, Byron is one of the more affluent neighbourhoods in town.

There are fireworks at Byron, downtown and in the East end (there might be some in the North end, but I really don't care). I usually end up at Harris Park downtown with friends to watch fireworks...sitting on the banks of the Thames where there's either an excess of water or it's dried up (dried up this year) with thousands of others getting ready to watch the explosions.

But this year I found myself one neighbourhood over in Byron. This was interesting. Firstly, I don't know what it is about the suburbanites...but when shit happens in our neighbourhoods we think we own the whole freaking place.

As I was driving my car down the road with my peeps (yes, I have peeps) we saw the excess of people driving, parking and walking to Byron Optimist Park for the event. Armed with Ice Caps and Timbits, we were ready.

I remember working at Timmy's in university and absolutely HATING working on July 1st.

Because inevitably at around 7:45pm the rush of families (most often in the drive thru) who would pick up their firework snacks. I have no problem with this. This is what Tim Hortons does. They take orders, fill them and sends people on their way with re-heated carbohydrates and "nicotine laced" caffeine.

My problem always laid in the pure and simple fact that people started acting like mentally delayed monkeys while ordering.

Here are my tips for ordering on July 1st at Tim Hortons:

1. Know your order.

Tim's doesn't change. Yes, they may start making flavoured Ice Caps, or a seasonal doughnut, but it's basically the same shit. Cruellers, fritters, dips, Timbits, coffee, hot chocolate, apple juice.

2. If you don't know your order...DON'T GO THROUGH DRIVE THRU

This should always be followed, not just on our nation's birthday. If you go into the store you can spend all the time you want staring like an idiot at the board. When you're outside at the speaker and you don't know what you want and are hemming and hawing you can bet the staff inside are going crazy. Don't be the ass who makes a bottleneck happen. You are hated.

3. Don't have your children order in the drive thru

It's difficult enough hearing you let alone a tiny little voice in the back seat. Besides that, it's annoying.

4. Use smaller bills and coins

With all the traffic on July 1st...if you're going to buy $4.27 worth of product don't pay with a freaking $20 bill. That's annoying.

5. If you're buying bulk product (Timbits, doughnuts, etc.) don't start requesting flavours unless you come into the store

When someone requests a 20 pack of Timbits in the drive thru you are basically giving the staff the ability to choose what flavour goes into the box. Taking your Timbit flavour order is damn near impossible. You may say you don't want one flavour (old fashion plain for instance)...but don't be annoying. And definitely do not say that you want all chocolate. Don't be an ass. They can't make pounds and pounds of extra chocolate. You're annoying as well.

6. Tip.

Self explanatory.

7. Ice Caps take time to make, go inside.

Ice Caps are time consuming to make, go inside if you are ordering more than 3, you'll take too much time.

If you follow those rules, you won't have your coffee spit in.

Cheers!

Sunday's Post Secret

www.postsecret.com

I AM THE LAW

Alright, so you remember Pearl?

The landlord with the drinking problem?

Well, Will Ferrell has made another short film with Pearl...this time she's the law...

Enjoy!

Doggy Style Love

Um, yeah. The title of this entry is pretty self explanatory.

She Had The Moves

Ok, so the final act was this woman.

Miss Heaven Lee Hights.

Yes, you read that right.

And she OWNED that stage.

And I'm not just saying that because she had a number that was a medley of Pussycat Doll songs.

Although when I saw her perform "I Don't Need A Man" I really did believe she didn't need one.

That, and she had a rocking ass.

A Bit More Experience

Ok, so Miss Nicolette Brown took to the stage after Honey.

She definitely had great banter with the audience and chose some older tunes, ending with the crowd pleasing "Last Dance" by gay icon Donna Summer.

And her outfit made her look like a mermaid.

Miss Toronto Pride 2007

Ok, so one thing that I do love is the drag shows.

No matter if they are kings or queens, they're always a good show.

On the surface it's fun to watch them lip sync to songs you love.

On the other hand it's a beautiful commentary on gender-bending. Virtually poking fun and taking over this idea of gender. What is feminine? What is masculine? If you're a man can you be feminine? If you're a woman can you be masculine? Shouldn't we feel like we can explore both sides, given that everything within ourselves relies of perfect harmony?

Miss Toronto Pride 2007 kicked it off with a performance that showed her relative newness to the medium of drag. Still, she killed a performance of Beyoncé's "Ring the Alarm". A song that I hate Beyoncé singing, but liked Miss Brown doing. Very nice!

It's A Bird, It's A Plane!

No-

It's SUPER PRIDE!

Pascal donned his peace Pride flag, bandanna and "This is What a Feminist Looks Like" T-Shirt.

In his off days he enjoys keeping Toronto subway stations safe, for all.