Still My Fave Fairy Tale (Rachel Would Really Like It!)

My dad sent this story to me a while ago and I believe he was being a bit of a shit disturber when he did. But it's so lovely.

As well, I think that my little friend, Rachel, would actually love this story. I say this because the tiny senior kindergarten-er has a bizarre fascination with killing off the characters in her stories that she tells to anyone who will listen.

Note to her parents, tell her this story tonight (and makes sure she's wearing her favourite green t-shirt).

The fairy tale they should have read us when we were little girls...

Once upon a time in a land far away a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said "Elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am.

And then my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother. Where you can prepare meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself...

I don't fucking think so.

Whose More Adorable?

Little Rachel woke up in time to attack Maggie when she came home from the Muskokas after I picked her up from the bus station.

I tried to get rid of her red eyes, but I'm still getting the hang of Picasa.

Rachel kept asking what Maggie's name was...I don't think she was too sure about the new hair.

She did give me a hug, if only to say to me, "Thanks Jessie, for bringing Maggie home."

Whatever.

I Love Her But...

Would you want this hurtling towards you and your brand new camera phone?

I barely had time to retreat.

This is Rachel Zoe. She's awesome, and probably the most adorable kid ever. Especially when she tells you that you're beautiful (unless you wear your hair in a ponytail, then unfortunately, you are no longer a girl - I believe 3 years old is when you start defining gender).

Rachel and I spent the weekend together and I learned a lot. Mainly what I learned was that I, indeed, do not want children.

She great, don't get me wrong. But she's very...busy.

I turned my back for 24.3 seconds and in that time she successful painted her entire arm in finger paint. A think coating. And cleaning her off was no walk in the park.

Speaking of which, she doesn't do that, walking in parks. After a solid 20 minutes of playing (consisting of me climbing around with her) she requests being carried home. And of course I oblige because I'm a sucker.

At the end of the weekend she pronounced to Annie (who left an hour after the parents did and returned 3 hours before they came back as to give the impression she was there the entire time) that she peed her pants over the weekend (2 times, both on me) and she "...wasn't sorry".

Nice.

Thanks Rachel. I had a great and exhausting time. Next time our parents go out for the weekend I'll need to get a B12 shot before coming over. Or I could just use your Epi-Pen junior.

Things Jessie Learned This Weekend With Rachel:

- She's adorable at 6AM

- She's not so adorable at 6:30AM when she tells you she's hungry

- Never believe her when she says "Trust me, Jessie"

- Her timidness about getting her hands dirty with finger paint is a ruse to lull you into complacency so she can lunge at you with tiny paint covered hands

- For the love of all that is holy, don't leave the house without Cheerios

- Watching the same movie over and over again is very soothing

- "The Land Before Time" movie has been ruined as it is on it's 15th sequel, somewhere Little Foot is weeping

- She's precious

- Dora is the devil

- Rachel's pretty

- When trying to feed Rachel, bacon always trumps fruit

- While bribes undermine the discipline her parents taught her...they work so well

- Any other small child is an instant new friend, even if the other child is afraid of the very forward Rachel

- Monkey bars are aptly named

- When travelling add on 60 minutes to accomodate for a child (they take very small steps)

- When travelling with a child you must realize they require you pack for an expedition-like excursion

- I love her

I'm Her Fave

Let it be known.

Rachel really can't tell the difference between Annie and Maggie.

Case in point this evening.

She can't tell them apart in a picture (Annie's picture on the fridge is often pointed to as "Maggie"), or on the phone (she interchanged Annie and Maggie a half dozen times tonight).

Ah.

Sorry women, you just have to live with the knowledge that she loves (not even likes, screw that) me.

And I'm her best friend.

And she said I was beautiful.

Not only does she have good taste, she's extremely smart.

And spare me the "well you still live at home that's why she showers you with love" speech. That doesn't work anymore. Besides that you both just left a couple of days ago and she pretty smart now. I think it's selective memory.

P.S. Maggie, you gave her your cough. I hope you're happy with yourself you baby sickeninger.