Apartment Smell of the Day

Dog food.

The Fumes Are Making A Funny Taste In My Mouth

This is a picture of my office. We recently got our pamphlets re-printed. Now I have 20,000 brochures. And 5,000 posters. And 10,000 postcards.

Let's get some perspective.

My office is about 6 feet by 15 feet.

Now my office smells like cardboard. Ever smell cardboard?

If you're interested just fill a small room with 55 cardboard boxes.

I know I shouldn't feel dizzy in my office.

After the Rosemary Attack

I'm squinting, not smiling, from the pain.

Ok, it didn't really hurt, it was just a little prickly.

I Smell Like A Leg of Lamb

Right after I took this picture some vile woman hit me with a rosemary bush.

Pretty!

Too bad we couldn't take any across the border!

I Love Her But...

Would you want this hurtling towards you and your brand new camera phone?

I barely had time to retreat.

This is Rachel Zoe. She's awesome, and probably the most adorable kid ever. Especially when she tells you that you're beautiful (unless you wear your hair in a ponytail, then unfortunately, you are no longer a girl - I believe 3 years old is when you start defining gender).

Rachel and I spent the weekend together and I learned a lot. Mainly what I learned was that I, indeed, do not want children.

She great, don't get me wrong. But she's very...busy.

I turned my back for 24.3 seconds and in that time she successful painted her entire arm in finger paint. A think coating. And cleaning her off was no walk in the park.

Speaking of which, she doesn't do that, walking in parks. After a solid 20 minutes of playing (consisting of me climbing around with her) she requests being carried home. And of course I oblige because I'm a sucker.

At the end of the weekend she pronounced to Annie (who left an hour after the parents did and returned 3 hours before they came back as to give the impression she was there the entire time) that she peed her pants over the weekend (2 times, both on me) and she "...wasn't sorry".

Nice.

Thanks Rachel. I had a great and exhausting time. Next time our parents go out for the weekend I'll need to get a B12 shot before coming over. Or I could just use your Epi-Pen junior.

Things Jessie Learned This Weekend With Rachel:

- She's adorable at 6AM

- She's not so adorable at 6:30AM when she tells you she's hungry

- Never believe her when she says "Trust me, Jessie"

- Her timidness about getting her hands dirty with finger paint is a ruse to lull you into complacency so she can lunge at you with tiny paint covered hands

- For the love of all that is holy, don't leave the house without Cheerios

- Watching the same movie over and over again is very soothing

- "The Land Before Time" movie has been ruined as it is on it's 15th sequel, somewhere Little Foot is weeping

- She's precious

- Dora is the devil

- Rachel's pretty

- When trying to feed Rachel, bacon always trumps fruit

- While bribes undermine the discipline her parents taught her...they work so well

- Any other small child is an instant new friend, even if the other child is afraid of the very forward Rachel

- Monkey bars are aptly named

- When travelling add on 60 minutes to accomodate for a child (they take very small steps)

- When travelling with a child you must realize they require you pack for an expedition-like excursion

- I love her

Question of the Day: What Is That Smell?

Alright, just got back from the city of Toronto where Dad, Annie, her friend Christy, and I went to the annual Canadian Royal Winter Fair!

Yes, late last night Dad and I decided that it was a perfect day to assault our noses with the sweet, sweet smell of agricultural victory.

We saw horses, and almost gave Annie an asthma attack when walking up to see the fancy horse stables. We saw the baby chicks, the alpacas, llamas, sheep, and goats. We even stopped around some of the booths to let Annie and Christy do some shopping. However, since the clothing being sold was reserved for country folk, there wasn't much to buy.

We did see one animal group which I will have to add to my list of animals that I hate: the cow.

I know, why is it that certain animals want to see me lying on the ground in pain?

When we were walking around the cow pavillion at the CNE I was almost run over by a very large cow, followed by another very large cow. Seriously, run over. It practically ran into me. Maybe this is some bovine retribution for the delicious sirloin steak I had last night...

So, for those of you keeping score the animals that I hate are:

- Chipmunks
- Squirrels
- Cows

"Scared cows make the best hamburgers."

~Mark Twain