Look What I Can Do!

Yippee! I can embed YouTube.com videos into my little blog!

I'm getting quite savvy.

My first entry is a parody video of my nemesis, Rachael Ray.

Here are a few reasons I dislike her:

1. Volume: Does this woman have any other volume than off or foghorn level? Seriously, she's way too loud. Her and Ty Pennington should get together and have shouting contests.

2. Intonation: I know voice probably doesn't merit two reasons, but seriously this woman sounds like a strangled goose.

3. Abbreviations: I have not made my dislike of Rachael Ray's abbreviations secret. She calls sandwiches 'sammies'. Who does that? When she says GB I want to throw garbage at her. And stoup has to be the stupidest thing I ever heard of. A stoup being "a cross between a stew and a soup". Stop it! And the most hated: EVOO. Don't know what that means? Don't worry, Rachael will fill you in, Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Tell me, Rachael, what's the point of using an abbreviation if you're going to say what the abbreviation means right afterwards?! You're ridiculous!

4. Herbs: Ok, please stop telling me to wash my herbs and put them in plastic bags when I get home from the store. Normal people don't have time for that shit.

5. 30 Minutes in Rachael Ray World = 45 Minutes In The Real World: Her meals are NOT 30 minute meals. That's a lie.

6. Dessert: Rachael readily admits that she's no baker. Yeah, thanks for the head's up. I think we understood that when we saw you make the 'melted ice cream sauce'. Seriously.

7. Recipe Titles: "You Won't Be Single For Long Vodka Cream Pasta". That's not clever. Or catchy. It's pathetic.

8. She Laughs At Her Own Jokes: Basically that. Couple that with numbers 1 and 2, and you've got an all out assault on the nation's ears.

9. Her "Talent": Can someone please tell the woman that carrying 15 items from the pantry to the cutting board is NOT a talent. It's a stupid way of tricking us to think that she's getting shit done faster.

10. Garbage Bowl: Incredibly wasteful. Also, see #3.

11. Pet Food: She teaches how to make dishes for your diabetic, overweight pets. Personally some of the stuff she makes I wouldn't serve to a dog.

12. Tag Line: Yum-O is not a tag line or a catchphrase. It's stupid. Stop putting it on t-shirts.

13. Eating Noises: Someone forwarded a video from YouTube.com of Rachael Ray making eating noises. It was 3 minutes long. I threw up in my mouth a little at 1 minute 23 seconds.

14. Oprah: Because of Oprah, now this woman has her own freaking show.