I Blame the Parents

As I sit in my parents' house while they are away in Washington, DC I find my attention shifting to their immense cable TV package.

I don't have the ever trite channel "TLC" (which doesn't stand for "Tender Lovin' Care", although I think it should) but for me it's like crack. I love it. I can't stop from flicking over to it every few hours and see what's on.

I find that most of their shows are based on crushing souls. Sometimes it's crushing people's spirits by telling them that they look like shit (What Not To Wear, Ten Years Younger, Big Medicine, Makeover Train, Must Love Kids), or by making you feel bad that you don't cook organically for your family and you only have TWO kids (Jon and Kate Plus Eight), or by crushing the dreams of first time home owners (Property Ladder, Date My House, Flip That House). And of course, my new favourite crazy train, 17 Kids and Counting with the ever-Quiverfull Duggar family.

Since my new obsession is the Duggar family in all of their conservative Baptist craziness, imagine my surprise (and bizarre delight) when back to back episodes aired this evening.

Where do I begin?

There are so many things that make me shake my head at this family.

Let's start with this evening's episode. This evening's show had the Duggars hosting the Bates family from Tennessee, another Quiverfull family, they have 16 kids.

Side note: the Bates found out that number 17 is on it's way via a stop at a gas station.

Apparently this is the Duggars attempt to normalize their huge family (See America! We're not out of our minds! There's another family that's just like us!). Seriously, the families are so alike I can't even tell the moms apart.

Eventually the convo turned to the ever quaint term of "courtship". No dating for the Duggars or the Bates. If you get chosen (or betroved or matched or forced) to be courted, there's no way out. You are getting married. Oh, and the courtship? No contact. Except hand holding. That's it. And to ensure this, every time you go out we're sending one of your siblings to chaparone you. WTF? Chaperone? Bascially the message is, we've sheltered you all your life, kept you away from TV, the Internet and well, we think if you two are alone, well, you'll succumb to your horny temptations. My question would be, since they've been so sheltered, would they even know what to do?

Anyway, during this episode it was a touch obvious that a Duggar/Bates matchmaking effort would not be distasteful for either side.

And I did find out about the clothing situation. Apparently the long skirt/high neck lines are pleasing to God. But I think it's interesting to see that the girls' clothing are obviously hand made, while the boys wear something akin to J. Crew. So, bascially we're enjoying re-enforcing those gender stereotypes in a variety of different ways.

Side note: when the Duggars/Bates went to a Christian theme park the Bates kids were wearing the same outfits as the "pilgrims". You couldn't tell them apart.

And finally (for now) what I find MOST ridiculous about both families is their espousing that there is no TV, no music (even contemporary Christian music is a no-no), no Internet, and no friends who don't share same values.

But do you know what both families do think is an appropriate family activity?

PAINT BALL.

Yes, dressing up in layers (because when the kids are done they are covered in painful bruises), picking up a gun filled with paint pellets and using kids as young as 4 as target practice.

Yeah, nice wholesome family fun.

Am I the only one to see the ridiculous-ness of this? I don't know what to say.

And as the Facebook group I just joined says, "It's A Vagina, Not A Clown Car".