Do You Know How To Do These 50 Things?

I stumbled across a website (http://www.marcandangel.com/) that had a list of 50 things everyone should know how to do.

The list is no doubt created by a man (some of the references they use and reasons why they believe they should be learned are very patriarchal), but the list is useful.

So let's see how much of this I know how to do, feel free to keep score and see if I know more than you...it's quite possible.

1. Build a Fire – Yes! I have built fires...however whenever I think about my past experience building a fire I am reminded of the time I thought lighter fluid on a camp fire was a good idea.

2. Operate a Computer - I know that I'm not the worst and know my way around Windows...so yes. Another one for me.

3. Use Google Effectively – I think I've mastered Google...Google Chrome however frightens me.

4. Perform CPR and the Heimlich Maneuver – Heck yes I can! All I have to remember is the tune to 'Staying Alive' and I'm good as gold. And I'll have the paper proof when I re-certify in March.

5. Drive a Manual Transmission Vehicle – Of course. And I believe I'm the only Rodger daughter who does know this skill. I am SO ready for The Amazing Race.

6. Do Basic Cooking – Check! Thanks Mom!

7. Tell a Story that Captivates People’s Attention - Definitely. I'm the most captivating woman to listen to.

8. Win or Avoid a Fistfight – I'm so good at avoiding this...I truly believe my job made me better.

9. Deliver Bad News - I know how to do this, and I have had to many times...am I good at it? Jury's still out.

10. Change a Tire - Yes. I call my parents and they arrange for someone to change it. Easy-peasy.

11. Handle a Job Interview - I mastered this in Fall 2008. I believe I went on 15+ interviews between July and December 2008.

12. Manage Time - Still working on this, but things have a way of getting done.

13. Speed Read - Yeah, if by 'speed read' you mean 'lie about reading it'.

14. Remember Names - Never had a problem. For some reason my brain can retain names and plots of reality TV, but become a sieve when it comes to remembering what I need the moment I enter into the grocery store.

15. Relocate Living Spaces - Yes! Done twice, second time better than the first...dreading the third time.

16. Travel Light – This is one to work on for 2010.

17. Handle the Police - Handle? Almost! Pretty good at asserting my power.

18. Give Driving Directions – Depends on where you want to go! To my place downtown? Yeah! To my parents home in the mystical land of Oakridge? No. Anywhere in Elgin County? Try someone else, that place is like a black hole for me.

19. Perform Basic First Aid – YES!

20. Swim – I can do this...I'm better at treading water...

21. Parallel Park – Ugh. If I had the income I'd buy one of those cars that parallel park themselves.

22. Recognize Personal Alcohol Limits – Yes. Except at Oktoberfest.

23. Select Good Produce – Yes! Except oranges. I seem to pick the worst oranges.

24. Handle a Hammer, Axe or Handsaw – Hammer, check. Axe, no. Handsaw, how hard could that be?

25. Make a Simple Budget – Yes, I'm also good at making other people's budgets.

26. Speak at Least Two Common Languages – Bien sur! And thanks to the colonization record of France and Belgium I can converse with many people from West Africa.

27. Do Push-Ups and Sit-Ups Properly - No. Just no.

28. Give a Compliment – Hell yeah.

29. Negotiate - Getting there.

30. Listen Carefully to Others – I hope to high hell I can do this since it's a major part of my job.

31. Recite Basic Geography – Do you know where Timbuktu really is? Because I do.

32. Paint a Room – Yes! Painted a room blood red (that was the name of the colour!)...determined that it's messy, fun and never to ask Maggie to help unless you want your ceiling painted as well.

33. Make a Short, Informative Public Speech – Since this was my job for 18 months at WAYS, this would have to be a big yes!

34. Smile for the Camera – Yes! Still waiting to get my funeral picture. Hopefully I learn to 'smize' before it's taken. I fear what picture someone would use for my Facebook memorial group.

35. Flirt Without Looking Ridiculous – Most of the time I'm oblivious to flirting when it's happening, so perhaps no. The awkwardness really comes out.

36. Take Useful Notes – More is definitely the key for me.

37. Be a Respectful House Guest – Yes, just ask my grandma.

38. Make a Good First Impression – Yes!

39. Navigate with a Map and Compass – Map, yes. Compass? Just reminds me of orienteering.

40. Sew a Button onto Clothing – Heck yes!

41. Hook Up a Basic Home Theater System – This is why I have my Dad.

42. Type – The only good thing that came out of all those stupid keyboarding classes.

43. Protect Personal Identity Information – Hopefully, but I've heard some scary stories. Surely having a blog about my personal life doesn't put me at risk, right?

44. Implement Basic Computer Security Best Practices – Since I got a scary virus on my new laptop 30 minutes after purchase, I'll give this one a big no.

45. Detect a Lie – You would think because of my job, yes. But sadly I believe every word that comes out of your mouth. I want to believe the best. Sigh.

46. End a Date Politely Without Making Promises – I'm pretty good at getting out of uncomfortable situations.

47. Remove a Stain – Spray and Wash is my friend.

48. Keep a Clean House – Yes, maybe Mags could learn a thing or two.

49. Hold a Baby – Learned this on the job as getting babies shoved into my arms is not uncommon.

50. Jump Start a Car - See #10.

So I got 40/50, give or take.

How did you do?

Wardrobe Malfunctions!

Last week I celebrated my good friend Anna's birthday. After a long day of training for work I stopped by my parents' house to pick up the birthday cake (thanks Mom!) and went downtown to meet my peeps.

It was an exciting day because not only were we celebrating the day that Anna was born, but Dina our missing friend came out! Yea!

After a dinner at Waldo's at the Covent Garden Market we walked down to the Galleria (I refuse to call it by it's new corporate name!) to catch the flick "It's Complicated". Before the movie I visited the restroom, as usual. Unfortunately as I was leaving the restroom I was moving super fast...the movie was about to begin and I didn't want to miss anything.

But as I passed the door way I grazed the latch where the door closes, it caught on my pants and I heard a big "RIIIIPPPP!".

Yes, from hip to mid thigh my pants ripped. Luckily it was on the seam so my seamstress is tending to the ripped pants as we speak.

She knits for me, bakes my friend's birthday cakes, I am a lucky daughter!

Naturally I felt a little silly, especially when I walked home downtown with my pants split. So, when I spied this video I didn't laugh, but I did feel a connection with the bobsledder. Dear, I know how your feeling!

My 2009 in Review

A summary of 2009

Breaking down the year 2009 in 35 questions!

I've been living in 2010 for two weeks now, and I think I'm finally ready to start processing what a roller coaster ride 2009 was!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Became a counselor! Went to Newfoundland, got a flat tire.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No resolutions made in 2009, I thought it was unnecessary. Little did I know.
For 2010, be more assertive (yes, surprisingly I am not as assertive as I should be in parts of my life, excluding this blog).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes, a fellow book clubber gave birth this fall, giving us another book reader!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes.

5. What countries did you visit?

Las Vegas! Best 21st birthday party EVER! And in case it counts, I visited Newfoundland which has only been a part of Canada for 51 years...

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A rocking apartment all year long, more time with friends and bigger travel plans (Scotland here I come!).

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

December 24th and 25th, I didn't work and was so eternally grateful for the time off. July 1st, watching fireworks from my new balcony.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Making some amazing new friends, continuing traveling on my own, reaching my one year anniversary at the shelter.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Losing my patience one too many times with those who didn't deserve it. Not taking my chances!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Um, my ticket to Newfoundland!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Me, I freaking rocked the house this year on self reflection.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

Abusers that I spoke with and heard about.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Traveling.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My trip to Las Vegas with my family, my trip to Newfoundland to visit Shannon and Danny, my stay-cation at home in December.

16. What song will always remind of you 2009?

The entire Lady Gaga album. And Susan Boyle's rendition of "I Dreamed A Dream".

17. Compared to this time last year, are:

a) happier or sadder?

b) richer or poorer?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Blogging!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Stressing out.

20. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Many, many times.

21. What was your favourite TV program?

Glee, NCIS (courtesy of Dad), and Survivor.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Hate is quite a strong word, probably not.

23. What was the best book you read?

Part of War and Peace, Cunt, When You are Engulfed in Flames, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Water for Elephants, Trauma Stewardship, Engendered Lives...there are more that I can't remember!

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Glee!

25. What did you want and get?

A permanent job!

26. What did you want and not get?

A Wii, a new television, and a new couch.

27. What was your favourite film of this year?

Sherlock Holmes, New Moon...sigh.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 27 and I had the worst menstrual cramps of my entire life.

29. How you would describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Becoming a bit more profesh.

30. What kept you sane?

Myself.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Channing Tatum (*horrifyingly embarrassed).

32. Who did you miss?

Joelene, Leah, Shannon, Maggie...

33. Who was the best new person you met?

So many, can't count.

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

I am capable.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Oh the lights still on, we're dancing
Yeah the floor is shaking
In this disco heaven

Going Gaga

Over the past year my perspective on all things has changed ever so slightly. I can't tell exactly when it all changed (or maybe the word is intensified). Some would say this intensification of my perspective of all things is a bad thing. But not me. Some would say that this intensification of my perspective is unhealthy. But not me. I, for one love this change, and am determined to embrace it fully, as everyone should.

Of course I'm talking about my ability to view almost anything through my feminist lens.

When you start thinking about things in terms of women, power, control and our socialization you begin to see some amazing things. Some of them make me crazy. But more often now, I'm smiling (trust me, big change!).

One of these observations of late is the very interesting figure of Lady Gaga. I'll admit when I first heard Lady Gaga, I enjoyed her music, but quickly I thought "Is this a gimmick? Is the arty stuff overpowering the music?". And then there was her hanging at the MTV video music awards. I'm always concerned when art depicts violence against women for some sort of inspiration.

But then I heard her new stuff on the new album. And then I started to read more and more articles where Gaga spoke about her immense talent ("I don't see myself as being like anyone else"...uhhh, yeah me neither, Stephani Germanotta) and ability to create monster hit song after song.

But then I kept reading and she starts to explain her above quotes, along with others and her answers started making me think...

"I find that men get away with saying a lot in this business, and that women get away with saying very little," she said. "In my opinion, women need and want someone to look up to that they feel has the full sense of who she is and says, 'I'm great.' "

Hm. Something to think about. Besides that her song "Bad Romance" talks about something that was my obsession during my fourth year of university, the commodification of women.

Enjoy.

7 Month Hiatus...What Can You Do In 210 Days?

Hello again...yes, it's me the absent blogger. After seven months I'm back, although I'm not too sure what my re-emergence may entail!

I left the blog for a while because of a very important reason. I was burnt out! There were many things that contributed to my stress (work, moving, work), but with a new year brings new strategies to deal with this stress.

And part of my way of dealing with stress was to begin journalling. However, writing in my little journal lost it's appeal about a minute after I started. It turns out I'm just narcissistic enough to rationalize my blog. There may be some pauses between blogs but I'm open to whatever happens!

I'll still be doing what I do best, complaining and ranting. But I will strive to include more exciting and/or positive spurts of energy. And, of course, the re-posting of some articles and interesting tidbits. If nothing else than just to irritate my dad.

To sum up my last seven months, I can do this in list formation of things that I found irritating, bizarre and blog-worthy, but never got around to;

1. Twilight saga
- Yes, the saga continues and it's second installment is just as horrifying as the first...look for my thoughts coming soon!

2. Olympics
- Definitely not on the pro side. This debate made me go a little bit on the aggressive side on Facebook (one of the indications to myself that blogging may be a more appropriate venue to vocalize my views). In short the Olympics are actually the exact opposite of everything they are espoused to be. Look for more to come as Vancouver 2010 approaches!

3. Justin Beiber
- I'm still not sure who this kid is, and I have strong suspicions that he is yet another manufactured pop icon, however his misogynistic lyrics are frightening when you see the adoration this 15 year old gets...

4. Glee!
- I'm not what you would call a "Glee-k" but I am a fan of anything that has a hint of a musical (and when you do a cover of a song from "Wicked" you are my new friend, immediately). I am a firm believer that the music is about 100 times better than then storyline, but I am loving the strong female characters.

5. Scotland
- Yes! Part of the Rodger clan is heading to our homeland this Spring! So expect planning posts to appear regularly.

Day 37: The Great Apartment Hunt

That big red dot! That's my place!

18th floor! Balcony over looking all of downtown!

Kitty corner from the JLC! 2 blocks from the Covent Garden Market!

Yea!

My Dream Come True!

Sadly, I recognized and guessed every Saved By The Bell reference in this 8 minute clip.

I heart A.C.

We Could Have Seen Carmen Electra's Boobs...

Carmen Electra To Star in Vegas Show

By Mark Gray

Originally posted Monday May 18, 2009 03:50 PM EDT

Carmen Electra Photo by: Alexander Tamargo / WireImage

With one Playboy centerfold set to headline a topless Vegas show, another one is following to guest star in her own risque act in Sin City.

A rep for Crazy Horse Paris, the a topless cabaret show at MGM Grand, tells PEOPLE that Carmen Electra has signed on to star in a week's worth of shows in July.

"She's not going topless, but she will be wearing very little. She's going to wear whatever she is comfortable with," the rep says.

Carmen will star in the show in July – the same time Holly Madison will be baring her bosom across the Strip in her own show.

"It is such an iconic show and I was in awe after seeing it for the first time," Electra says in statement. "The dancers and the performances are so sensual and sexy."

A cabaret-style show, Crazy Horse's Las Vegas production uses only dancers who have performed with famed Crazy Horse troupe in Paris, though they often get guest performers, such as Electra, to take the stage with them.

Idiots in Georgia Declare: We Have A Solution for Prostitution!

Prostitution is a touchy subject for anyone. But I think we can agree on a few items about the profession:

1. It is one of the most dangerous professions for women (and men) to be involved in

2. There is a very high demand for sex trade workers

3. The general public tends to vilify the sex trade worker, and forget that there was another party involved in the transaction

4. There are some women who work in the sex trade who lead productive, fulfilling and, yes surprisingly, healthy lives

5. Prostitution and the sex trade are never going away. Ever.

Now that we've decided on these five truths, let us continue to our irritating journey with this newest article that I stumbled across, "Georgia Man Offers Hookers Free Bus Tickets" http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19479789/detail.html.

The gist of the article is that local business owners (specifically a motor company) don't want prostitutes hanging around their upscale lot, getting customers.

Their solution to the problem is...wait for it...bus tickets out of town! Yes! This is awesome! Why aren't we all doing this? Oh, wait I know why we aren't all doing this- because it's a freaking ridiculous notion. THAT'S WHY.

Honest to god- who the hell thinks of this shit? Buy a few Greyhound bus tickets to Las Vegas where they think prostitution is legal and they get back their Mayberry-esque community to sell over priced cars and motor oil? Near the end of the article there are some doubts raised. Most vocally that these ladies of the night will return right back from where they came from.

I have to rant a little about the community involvement when it comes to prostitution and the sex trade in general. It's incredibly irritating to me when people get upset about prostitution and we never look at what the community's responsibility is. It's as if the majority of people believe that women in the sex trade are conniving together to figure out the best way to bring down the community. Yes, those evil women, they have nothing better to do but figure out how they can make real estate worth plummet and become public targets of disgust. Damn them!

However, let's just pretend that these women who are outside of this business are not trying to disrupt these ignorant a-holes' business, but instead trying to, um, stay alive? Maybe when they are out waiting to be picked up by the men of this community their perception of control is a bit different than these idiots who want to ship them to Las Vegas.

And while we're on the subject I have an alternative option for these business owners. Instead of shipping the prostitutes out, maybe we can ship out these disgusting guys (yes, their guys, and I'm not afraid to type it) out the state. How about that? What do you think about THAT? DOESN'T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE? GET RID OF THE MYSOGINISTIC MEN? GOD!

That being said, this community sounds like a frickin' nightmare, and if I was offered a Greyhound ticket to Las Vegas, I would totally take it.

Sidenote: Prostitution is illegal in Clarke County (where Las Vegas is), the morons buying the tickets are better off shipping people to Reno. Get your effing facts straight before you start doing stupid publicity stunts, it does nothing for your credibility of your half-baked ideas.

Happy Mother's Day!

Day 5: The Great Apartment Hunt

Day 5 of my search for a new dwelling and I've now come to the complete conclusion that the corporation that owns my current building is horrible.

I submitted my 60 days notice one week ago, and since my building has an inability to hold onto a superintendent for more than 4 months, it didn't get to the head office.

After quizzing the temporary caretaker who knew nothing, I called the head office. They hadn't received it (even though mail is supposed to be picked up daily). They were going to check it out, but if they couldn't find it then my 60 days would have to be re-submitted at the end of the month.

ARGH.

Last thing I need right now. I want out. Let me go. I can't stand the smell of pot, the vibration from the bass of my downstairs and next door neighbours' stereos, my next door neighbour's penchant to hammer what sounds like my walls, the parking lot fights, and the jerks who scream at their girlfriends.

Today I will find out for sure if they got my 60 days notice. Cross your fingers.

The Wheels Are Coming Off

Today is not a good day. Bad things happened.

One of them, is the announcement that the Wheels Inn in Chatham will be closing and turning into a Holiday Inn.

So sad. As a child (and as a grown woman) I have spent may a wonderful day in Chatham and some of my best hotel memories have to do with stays at the Wheels Inn.

I remember staying there with my grandparents, turning off all the lights and in our room, announcing that it was bedtime (yes, my oldest child tendencies emerging) and promptly face planting into the carpet as I tried to make my way to the bed.

I remember watching a screaming Annie zooming down the water slide (the one on the left!) with a look of such terror it is ingrained in my brain forever.

I remember the Wild Zone, the ball room and the home made photo albums that Mags and I made after a birthday weekend stay at the Wheels Inn when we turned 8 and 6 (or 7 and 5).

So sad. I'll miss the mini putt complete with the gorilla you putted the ball into at the 18th hole. I'll miss the smell of chlorine and the wonderful Chatham memories.

Maybe we should all take vacations to Chatham until July 1st just to show them how cool that little place is.

Day 1: The Great Apartment Hunt

Another day filled with apartment hunting.

I knew I had to get on it when I returned to my building after a brisk allergy afflicted walk and heard the insane screams of a man calling his beloved an "asshole" on my floor. Very supportive. After calling LPD dispatch, I started researching.

And so the hunt is on, although not fantastic. I believe I have inherited the worst of both my parents.

On one hand I have my mother's impulsivity (i.e. giving notice before securing housing) and then I have my father's need for extensive research (i.e. taking my sweet time before I commit to anything).

I don't like rushing. Ever. I'm totally against it. I like taking my time, weighing my options. Clearly, I am more aligned with my dad's incredibly long research period followed by a very thought out purchasing process.

I think I'm now understanding the irritation my dad must a felt (just a little at least) when my mother found her dream house and put in an offer without him getting to see the place first. Now, in all fairness the house is fantastic and I am gladly eating humble pie after initially hating the place.

But this next month is going to be difficult. I am going to have to go with my gut. Going with my gut instinct is not something I'm good at. I'm a Taurus. I like lists, I like plans, I like knowing in advance what I'm doing before I'm doing it. I dabbled with spontaneity before and ended up with a bra hanging out of my car door for five kilometers.

I might have some leads on a few different places...but what I know is that I will have to make a quick decision to get a place that I like. That along is getting the arrhythmia acting up.

So wish me luck, and for goddess' sake, if you hear of any decent 1 bedroom apartments in downtown, or old south London, be a friend and pass it along.

Tweeting Away...

In my attempt to become reconnected with the digital world I signed up for the ever popular "Twitter".

If you haven't heard of Twitter, it's a Facebook like website. Except the only thing that you do with this website is update your status.

At first glance, I thought it was a tad narcissistic. Constantly updating people on your every mood. Kind of pathetic.

I became fully annoyed with Twitter when last month Demi Moore, the actress from such thought provoking films as Striptease, GI Jane and The Scarlet Letter, apparently saved a suicidal woman via Twitter.

Twitter? Seriously? I think we need to calm down here. Demi Moore, while I'm sure she is dedicated to her craft, is no suicide interventionist. And while it is honorable to suggest someone "get some help", that hardly qualifies you for a Nobel Peace Prize.

The most irritating piece about this was where I read this story. On CNN's website.

Yes, I know CNN is not exactly the a fountain of thought provoking headlines, but I do find my way to their website from time to time.

Anyway, after falling out of love with Twitter, I am now back.

So if you're on Twitter, I'm Jessie000.

I'll be putting up my own narcissitic musings on exactly what I'm doing at the moment, and I hope you find it as interesting as all of my followers (yes, followers).

Moving Along...

Hello Blog Visitors…

You may have noticed (or perhaps you haven’t realized at all that I’ve neglected my sad little blog in months) that my blogging has come to a pretty horrifying stop as of February of this year.

I would love to say that I have a reason why I haven’t blogged. And if you press me enough I do have quite a few good ones:

1. I got my dream job, however I didn’t realize that the first 2 months of my dream job would test my will power on a daily basis

2. I slept a lot

So, basically 2 reasons why I haven’t blogged in a while. Tsk, tsk. That’s why I decided to go at it again giving you my unsolicited opinion on all things that irritate and inspire.

Yes, It's Been A While...Check This Out.

What A Surprise...

Virginity Pledge Doesn't Stop Sexual Activity

Washington (ECN) - A new study has found that a virginity pledge by teens does not stop sexual activity at all.

A new study was carried out by researchers at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health to see if a virginity pledge was actually meaningful from a teen.

The pledge would mean they would not have sex until they were married.

They discovered though that over 50% of teens who made the pledge were sexually active before marriage.

There were no differences in sexual activity when comparing those who made the promises and those who did not.

Those who made the pledges were 10% less likely to take birth control precautions.

The study has been published in the journal Pediatrics.

What Does $1.41 Buy You?

It seems as though I was stiffed when I worked (ever so briefly) for Elections Canada this past Fall.

And I was reimbursed for what was mistakenly taken from me, and it totals to a whopping $1.41.

Seriously, I have a cheque made out to me, for $1.41.

So my question is: what can a person now buy with $1.41?

Just a question...

Here's what I can spend the cash on:

-Toll of the Port Authority from New York to New Jersey
- Gallon of gas in Ortonville, Michigan
- A Copy of "Let's Look At A Puddle" from the Christian Home School Online Book Store
- One portion of "Gabriel's Love Potion" from Keen Erotica

Good news is, according to the book "Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Prices", 9 of the retailer's top 15 selling items are under $1.40. Hmmmmm. Perhaps this is an elaborate plan between Wal-Mart and Elections Canada to launder some cash...I wouldn't put it past them.

The Girl Effect

Heather Mallick's Interpretation of Sean Avery's "Sloppy Seconds" Description of his Ex

CAUTION: This post contains sexual references :-0

Alright, I was just reading Heather Mallick's recent piece on CBC about the whole Sean "Douchebag" Avery's disgusting remarks about his ex-girlfriend (and former Popular Mechanics for Kids host!) Elisha Cuthbert as "sloppy seconds".

I laughed out loud, because it seems as though Heather misinterpreted the meaning of "sloppy seconds".

Here's an excerpt:

Seconds on radio

I only mention this because I was on a CBC radio program last week called The Point, in which I and several men discussed, well, the point. Was hockey player Sean Avery punished excessively by the NHL for publicly referring to his ex-girlfriend as "sloppy seconds?"

I was warmed by the unity of the group. We agreed it was hypocritical in the NHL world, which is misogynist by nature, to ban Avery for six games. I even defended Avery, saying I didn't think his remark was extreme, especially compared to what this hopeless thug regularly says to players and female fans. The guy was just hurt, I said.

Done and dusted.

Flash forward to that evening. I read a kind message on my CBC e-mail from a woman listener who agrees with me about the Supreme Court's EI decision. Er, just between you and me, she wrote, you do realize that Avery's phrase refers to "a woman's vaginal opening being enlarged by having multiple sexual partners."

Huh?

I stormed (I really did) into the living room where my husband was sitting. "Stephen," I said. "Does 'sloppy seconds' mean 'a woman's vaginal opening being enlarged by having multiple sexual partners'?"

"No, I believe it refers to having sex with someone when there's semen in the vagina that is previous, so to speak…"

"Oh is it," I said. "And you let me tell a national radio audience that it was kind of sweet to refer to your ex that way?"

"What did you think it meant?"

"I THOUGHT IT MEANT CHRISTMAS DINNER LEFTOVERS! I THOUGHT IT MEANT TURKEY, MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY THE NEXT DAY! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT MEANT SEX PUDDLES?"

"But when you told me that you thought the Avery thing was a big overreaction, I just assumed you were being very liberated. As you usually are."

Here's a link to the whole article:

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/12/12/f-vp-mallick.html