Idiots in Georgia Declare: We Have A Solution for Prostitution!

Prostitution is a touchy subject for anyone. But I think we can agree on a few items about the profession:

1. It is one of the most dangerous professions for women (and men) to be involved in

2. There is a very high demand for sex trade workers

3. The general public tends to vilify the sex trade worker, and forget that there was another party involved in the transaction

4. There are some women who work in the sex trade who lead productive, fulfilling and, yes surprisingly, healthy lives

5. Prostitution and the sex trade are never going away. Ever.

Now that we've decided on these five truths, let us continue to our irritating journey with this newest article that I stumbled across, "Georgia Man Offers Hookers Free Bus Tickets" http://www.wsbtv.com/news/19479789/detail.html.

The gist of the article is that local business owners (specifically a motor company) don't want prostitutes hanging around their upscale lot, getting customers.

Their solution to the problem is...wait for it...bus tickets out of town! Yes! This is awesome! Why aren't we all doing this? Oh, wait I know why we aren't all doing this- because it's a freaking ridiculous notion. THAT'S WHY.

Honest to god- who the hell thinks of this shit? Buy a few Greyhound bus tickets to Las Vegas where they think prostitution is legal and they get back their Mayberry-esque community to sell over priced cars and motor oil? Near the end of the article there are some doubts raised. Most vocally that these ladies of the night will return right back from where they came from.

I have to rant a little about the community involvement when it comes to prostitution and the sex trade in general. It's incredibly irritating to me when people get upset about prostitution and we never look at what the community's responsibility is. It's as if the majority of people believe that women in the sex trade are conniving together to figure out the best way to bring down the community. Yes, those evil women, they have nothing better to do but figure out how they can make real estate worth plummet and become public targets of disgust. Damn them!

However, let's just pretend that these women who are outside of this business are not trying to disrupt these ignorant a-holes' business, but instead trying to, um, stay alive? Maybe when they are out waiting to be picked up by the men of this community their perception of control is a bit different than these idiots who want to ship them to Las Vegas.

And while we're on the subject I have an alternative option for these business owners. Instead of shipping the prostitutes out, maybe we can ship out these disgusting guys (yes, their guys, and I'm not afraid to type it) out the state. How about that? What do you think about THAT? DOESN'T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE? GET RID OF THE MYSOGINISTIC MEN? GOD!

That being said, this community sounds like a frickin' nightmare, and if I was offered a Greyhound ticket to Las Vegas, I would totally take it.

Sidenote: Prostitution is illegal in Clarke County (where Las Vegas is), the morons buying the tickets are better off shipping people to Reno. Get your effing facts straight before you start doing stupid publicity stunts, it does nothing for your credibility of your half-baked ideas.

Day 5: The Great Apartment Hunt

Day 5 of my search for a new dwelling and I've now come to the complete conclusion that the corporation that owns my current building is horrible.

I submitted my 60 days notice one week ago, and since my building has an inability to hold onto a superintendent for more than 4 months, it didn't get to the head office.

After quizzing the temporary caretaker who knew nothing, I called the head office. They hadn't received it (even though mail is supposed to be picked up daily). They were going to check it out, but if they couldn't find it then my 60 days would have to be re-submitted at the end of the month.

ARGH.

Last thing I need right now. I want out. Let me go. I can't stand the smell of pot, the vibration from the bass of my downstairs and next door neighbours' stereos, my next door neighbour's penchant to hammer what sounds like my walls, the parking lot fights, and the jerks who scream at their girlfriends.

Today I will find out for sure if they got my 60 days notice. Cross your fingers.

I Hate People Like This

This website just aired a commercial that ticked me off.


"Signal Hill is an advocate for human rights that provides information on life issues, women's health, and family support. Signal Hill's position is grounded in the conviction that the life of human beings ought to be understood as a fundamental human right and protected from conception until natural end."

Seriously, we're not all dumb enough to believe the "abortion gave me cancer" lies.

And the pictures of babies on their website is quite compelling. Whoever believes that pregnant and distressed women who see pictures of newborns will change their mind is delusional.

My fave part of this is that in their "Bio Ethics" heading it reads "Coming Soon". How true...

Jessie Orange-less In London North Centre

Ok, so I'm not feeling very well and wanted to cheer myself up...and naturally I would find out about our impending federal election (yea!).

Imagine my surprise when I found out that I have NO candidate for NDP in my riding.

What the hell?!

This is ridiculous. I am livid. What is going on? Are you kidding me? Seriously? No NDP candidate in London North Centre? Out of about 120,000 people we have absolutely zero possibilities?

I can't even process this. What the heck am I supposed to do on October 14th? What? What?! Someone please tell me. And don't even suggest going blue or red.

I went through a bizarre pedicure to get my neglected toes coloured like an NDP (more on that later...and there is much more) and I have no candidate.

I could spoil my ballot...

So here I am hopped up on Benedryl and sneezing my head off and trying to understand why we have no one.

This is bullshit.

One Of The Most Humiliating Moments To Date

10:45am

July 17th, 2008

Wonderland Rd. and Springbank Rd.
London, Ontario

I'm going to Oakridge to pick up a couple of friends for a day in Grand Bend soaking up as little rays as possible while coated in Australian sunscreen.

As I'm driving I stop at a red light at Wonderland and Springbank.

A guy in a big black SUV taps on his window.

I roll down my window:

Guy: You've got something hanging out of your door.

Me: Oh? Thanks.

Guy drives off.

I open my door and am completely horrified.

I have been driving for the past 5 kilometers with my bra hanging out of my door.

And it's not just a little end of my bra. It's the whole damn thing.

Apparently in my haste to get to Grand Bend I inadvertently hooked my bra on the inside stitching of my bathing suit that I was wearing. And somehow didn't realize it until a random guy pointed it out.

Great. Just great.

As if being unemployed isn't destroying my self-esteem enough.

Perfect.

Radio DJs

The past couple of days I've been forced to listen to the descent of morning radio.

Firstly, what is with cars who don't have CD players?

This would have been avoided if I had access to a CD player.

Instead I had to listen to a plethora of radio DJs. I can only assume that they reach out to the most base audience.

Yes, you know this group of people.

They are the socially unaware (in the most irritating of fashion). These are the folks who don't vote, but feel the need to complain. These are the people who can't see the connection between lower their taxes and the lower of standards in hospital wait times. These are the idiots that run red lights. The morons who do mall walks with strollers, and hit the backs of your heels. The people who think that women who want power tools are some strange kind of breed of freak ("You're a woman, get your husband to hang that picture!"). The men think that the worst insult is to be called either: girly, sissy or feminine in some way. Thus they attempt to show their heterosexuality to the nth degree. These are the people who think that calling something "gay" is an insult.

I like to think that these people are in the minority. But since this minority is more vocal these DJs think they must emulate them.

This must stop. Immediately.

I cannot take one more reference to a "chick flick" or a female DJ talking about every single woman's desire for a giant diamond on her left hand.

I will not be held accountable for my road rage.

I have to take this care to Niagara Falls in one week- I can't stand to listen to this shit for that long.

And my passenger doesn't like CBC.

I can literally feel the brain cells evaporating.

Truro: Nova Scotia's London

Well, here we go.

It seems as though the mayor of Truro, Nova Scotia refused to vote in favour of raising the rainbow flag.

He 'rationalized' that if the council were in favour to raise the GLTB flag, then what was stopping pedophiles from asking to raise a flag.

Yep. He compared homosexuals with sexual deviants.

Here is an open letter to Mayor Bill Mills:

Dear Your Worship,

Hi. You don't know me, I'm from a town called London, Ontario in the Southwestern part of the province.

I recently saw your ruling over at CBC about your refusal to raise the rainbow flag in Truro.

I know I'm not a resident of Truro, but here in London we went through the same predicament with the gay community.

Our mayor, Diane Haskett felt the same way as you. She refused to vote for the flag to fly because of the same reason...religious beliefs and a fear of pedophiles.

And let me tell you...Mayor Haskett did pretty well for herself after that whole debacle. She went on to win another term in office and became know far and wide.

Now, yes the City of London became the first Canadian municipality to be brought before a human rights tribunal AND found guilty, but she did go on to a career in provincial politics...only to come in third behind the Green Party.

And it only cost the City a whopping $25,000 to fix her self-righteous and bigoted decree. That homeless shelter didn't need to be built immediately.

But I will have to ask you one thing. You said that if you granted permission to the gay community to fly their flag, you might be asked by the pedophilia community to do the same.

Ok, two things.

First, hasn't the insinuation of the GLTB community being sexual deviants been done? No one really takes it seriously anymore. How many more peer reviewed journals do you need before you get the facts? It's kind of annoying. And, frankly outdated. Get with the times. It's been done, over and over and over again. No one with an ounce of brain power really believes this anymore. And those who do are usually the same ones who believe every damn thing that Leviticus says (including the piece on wearing corrective lenses).

Second, are you some kind of bizarre freak who would actually consider declaring "Pedophile Day" in Truro? What kind of sick fuck are you? Anyone with a backbone or an ounce of common sense wouldn't do this. For Cripes sake. You're disgusting.

So, if I'm right London will be losing it's title of the only municipality who has been brought before a human rights tribunal and found guilty. But trust me, that's a title we're willing to give up.

Sincerely,

JR

Eek! The City of London Is All Gay-ified!

Well, if you haven't heard by now that the City of London has decided to make an official proclaimation for Gay Pride Week along with flying the rainbow flag at City Hall then I guess the homophobes haven't gotten to you yet.

After an over decade long ban on all proclaimations the City of London decided to do what it wouldn't in 1995, declare Pride in London.

For those you who don't remember, Diane "Parachute" Haskett refused to declare Gay Pride many moons ago because of personal religious beliefs. She (along with the City of London) were brought before a Human Rights Tribunal and found guilty. Since then the response of City Hall is to not declare ANYTHING. That's nice, isn't it?

Anyway, they decided that this year would be the year that they final start acknowledging that London does indeed have an active gay community. It's hard to ignore this community when the hatred towards them is as pronounced as it is in the city.

Well, as soon as they decided they were going to declare Pride the homophobes and homo-prejudice started coming out of the wood work.

And with them they brought along their tired-ass excuses.

Seriously, if I hear ONE MORE TIME the excuse of "Well, I'm just waiting for the day they declare Heterosexual Week" heads are going to roll.

Ok, here it is...I want everyone to listen.

EVERY WEEK IS HETEROSEXUAL WEEK.

The day that straight couples get beat with baseball bats and lead pipes in front of Jim Bob Ray's Bar while being called "breeders" is the day I'll ask for a Heterosexual Week.

I don't think it's too much to ask to give the gay community a week in which they can celebrate being themselves. Especially when the other 51 weeks out of the year it's fairly dangerous to do so, especially in London.

And I'm really sick and tired of people complaining about the blatant sexuality that is present during Pride, most notably during the Pride Parade.

Again, let's get our thinking caps on, shall we?

If you were told for pretty much your entire life that you were not allowed to hold hands with your partner, kiss, cuddle, throw an arm around or generally be affectionate in public would you maybe over compensate during the one week when it's not so taboo?

And really people, I think we're all just stick in the muds when it comes to sexuality. Calm yourselves, it's only glitter and spandex.

I see more disgusting displays at Masonville Mall in front of SilverCity. And those are the little 12 and 13 year olds...maybe we should be talking about our over sexualizing little girls? Nooooo, having underwire in a training bra is perfectly normal!

I will love, Love, LOVE the day when this city starts getting riled up about things that actually matter rather than spew homo-prejudice bullshit.

There Are Better Things To Get Worked Up Over...

...than these metal trees.

Seriously, if people in this city made as big a stink over the ridiculous rate of kids in the sex trade in London in this city as they do about those metal trees that were put downtown I would hear those two special words everyone in social services melt at: 'core funding'.

I think we all need to take a collective breath and realize a couple of things.

Firstly, tax dollars didn't pay for the trees. The Downtown Business Association did. So calm yourself.

Second, the downtown core can't really get any worse, don't you think? A bit of colour and (wait for it) art isn't going to hurt anyone.

Third, don't you people have better things to do than to write letters to the editor about some silly little metal trees? As a future resident of downtown area I don't really care. They're actually a nice addition to the garbage in the streets.

And finally, this is directed to the London Free Press. You people have published over TEN letters to the editor in your paper from people getting angry over metal trees. And yet, you can't publish my letter about a situation that is far more important and damaging to the downtown area...PIMPS.

Argh. You people will never listen.

Rated

Ok, so some of you who scroll down to the end of this page may have noticed an addition.

I have been rated.

Yes, there is a website where you can submit your blog and they will scan it and rate it.

Apparently, this blog is rated: R. For restricted.

The reason? Because I wrote vagina like, 10 times or something.

And gay, don't forget that.

So apparently, vagina and gay are bad, bad words.

That's such crap. Oops, crap was on their list...That's such fecal matter.

So, take a look at the rating, because in defiance I am taking it down in a bit.

Vagina is not dirty. Get over it. And last time I checked 'gay' wasn't a bad word.

I'm tempted to type in some really nasty stuff to justify my point, but my grandparents frequent this site, so I won't.

Happy Canada Day!

Hope everyone had a great Canada Day!

I went to the fireworks at Byron this year.

For those of you who don't know about geography of London, Byron is one of the more affluent neighbourhoods in town.

There are fireworks at Byron, downtown and in the East end (there might be some in the North end, but I really don't care). I usually end up at Harris Park downtown with friends to watch fireworks...sitting on the banks of the Thames where there's either an excess of water or it's dried up (dried up this year) with thousands of others getting ready to watch the explosions.

But this year I found myself one neighbourhood over in Byron. This was interesting. Firstly, I don't know what it is about the suburbanites...but when shit happens in our neighbourhoods we think we own the whole freaking place.

As I was driving my car down the road with my peeps (yes, I have peeps) we saw the excess of people driving, parking and walking to Byron Optimist Park for the event. Armed with Ice Caps and Timbits, we were ready.

I remember working at Timmy's in university and absolutely HATING working on July 1st.

Because inevitably at around 7:45pm the rush of families (most often in the drive thru) who would pick up their firework snacks. I have no problem with this. This is what Tim Hortons does. They take orders, fill them and sends people on their way with re-heated carbohydrates and "nicotine laced" caffeine.

My problem always laid in the pure and simple fact that people started acting like mentally delayed monkeys while ordering.

Here are my tips for ordering on July 1st at Tim Hortons:

1. Know your order.

Tim's doesn't change. Yes, they may start making flavoured Ice Caps, or a seasonal doughnut, but it's basically the same shit. Cruellers, fritters, dips, Timbits, coffee, hot chocolate, apple juice.

2. If you don't know your order...DON'T GO THROUGH DRIVE THRU

This should always be followed, not just on our nation's birthday. If you go into the store you can spend all the time you want staring like an idiot at the board. When you're outside at the speaker and you don't know what you want and are hemming and hawing you can bet the staff inside are going crazy. Don't be the ass who makes a bottleneck happen. You are hated.

3. Don't have your children order in the drive thru

It's difficult enough hearing you let alone a tiny little voice in the back seat. Besides that, it's annoying.

4. Use smaller bills and coins

With all the traffic on July 1st...if you're going to buy $4.27 worth of product don't pay with a freaking $20 bill. That's annoying.

5. If you're buying bulk product (Timbits, doughnuts, etc.) don't start requesting flavours unless you come into the store

When someone requests a 20 pack of Timbits in the drive thru you are basically giving the staff the ability to choose what flavour goes into the box. Taking your Timbit flavour order is damn near impossible. You may say you don't want one flavour (old fashion plain for instance)...but don't be annoying. And definitely do not say that you want all chocolate. Don't be an ass. They can't make pounds and pounds of extra chocolate. You're annoying as well.

6. Tip.

Self explanatory.

7. Ice Caps take time to make, go inside.

Ice Caps are time consuming to make, go inside if you are ordering more than 3, you'll take too much time.

If you follow those rules, you won't have your coffee spit in.

Cheers!

Promo At Toronto Pride 2007

As we were walking down Church St. we saw this advertisment for Botox Cosmetics.

That's right. At Pride.

Hey! Let's perpetuate the stereotype that all gay men are obessed with youthful looks, including washboard abs and wrinkle free faces. Ugh.

While we're at it let's also keep up the façade of lesbians who are more concerned with softball and sport bras.

Double ugh.

I'm really quite sick of the stereotypes tha we put the GLBTTQ2 community into constantly. It seems that we (collective society) are more comfortable with our gay men effeminate and weak and our gay women butch and straight forward. Anything in between and we don't know what to think. And let's not even get into what we expect people who are bisexual are "supposed" to be like.

Live and let live, people.

An Open Letter To The London Free Press

Re: Billboards pimping beer dumb, not offensive

Being able to connect cause and effect is vital to solving our community’s problems. It seems as though Ian Gillespie’s column “Billboards pimping beer dumb, not offensive” missed this valuable opportunity to draw connections. For those of you who are unaware London does have pimps.

Those of us working with our eyes open are very aware of this fact. What is a pimp? The short definition is that a pimp is a coward, a liar who sexually exploits others. In London’s case many are sexually exploiting children and youth.

Most people constantly ask the question “How is it that child after child is being recruited into the sex trade and is being sexually abused in London?” Campaigns such as this beer ad and Mr. Gillespie’s response don’t help by using the word in a humourous and playful manner. The word pimp is not playful.

I think reclaiming words is an interesting way some social groups go about gaining some of their power back; however in this case the persecuted people are not the ones trying to re-instate the word pimp. And since we have pimps in London and rarely in our community do the adult sex trade workers have pimps, it can only be deduced that we are trying to glorify people who take part in the sexual abuse of our children youth. That is simply disgusting.

Just because we have television shows like “Pimp My Ride” (MTV) and contests like “Pimp My Garden” (Toronto Star) and “Pimp My Library Cart” (Wisconsin Library) doesn’t mean we’ve taken back a word.

You can’t identify a pimp by what they wear. Far from popular opinion pimps do not wear grillz, bling, fur coats, feathers in their hats, carry canes or challis’ filled with alcohol. Nor do they drive Cadillacs’ with hydraulics. They look like every other person on the street. They can be young or old, male or female, affluent or poor. In fact 30% of the sexual predators (pimps included) make more than $50,000 a year from a legitimate job. 10% make more than $80,000 a year. These folks are “upstanding” citizens.

Pimp is not a word we can reclaim until we recognize the fear and violence (sexual, physical, and emotional) they disseminate throughout the young people they hurt on a continual basis in London.

As well, I take offence to Gillespie’s implication that this issue shouldn’t be talked about. Using the word pimp in our vocabulary is disgusting, hateful and offensive. Talking about this is the only way to ensure London’s youth stay safe.

This attempt to stifle conversation about this topic is reminiscent of pimps threatening kids if they talk about what’s going on, they’ll kill them or the people they love.

I guess it’s reminiscent because I see and hear it on a daily basis.


Jessie Rodger

This Bites

Ok, so apparently I don't know how to embed YouTube.com videos into my blog yet.

I blame YouTube.

In it's place, check out our nifty postcard.

Look What I Can Do!

Yippee! I can embed YouTube.com videos into my little blog!

I'm getting quite savvy.

My first entry is a parody video of my nemesis, Rachael Ray.

Here are a few reasons I dislike her:

1. Volume: Does this woman have any other volume than off or foghorn level? Seriously, she's way too loud. Her and Ty Pennington should get together and have shouting contests.

2. Intonation: I know voice probably doesn't merit two reasons, but seriously this woman sounds like a strangled goose.

3. Abbreviations: I have not made my dislike of Rachael Ray's abbreviations secret. She calls sandwiches 'sammies'. Who does that? When she says GB I want to throw garbage at her. And stoup has to be the stupidest thing I ever heard of. A stoup being "a cross between a stew and a soup". Stop it! And the most hated: EVOO. Don't know what that means? Don't worry, Rachael will fill you in, Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Tell me, Rachael, what's the point of using an abbreviation if you're going to say what the abbreviation means right afterwards?! You're ridiculous!

4. Herbs: Ok, please stop telling me to wash my herbs and put them in plastic bags when I get home from the store. Normal people don't have time for that shit.

5. 30 Minutes in Rachael Ray World = 45 Minutes In The Real World: Her meals are NOT 30 minute meals. That's a lie.

6. Dessert: Rachael readily admits that she's no baker. Yeah, thanks for the head's up. I think we understood that when we saw you make the 'melted ice cream sauce'. Seriously.

7. Recipe Titles: "You Won't Be Single For Long Vodka Cream Pasta". That's not clever. Or catchy. It's pathetic.

8. She Laughs At Her Own Jokes: Basically that. Couple that with numbers 1 and 2, and you've got an all out assault on the nation's ears.

9. Her "Talent": Can someone please tell the woman that carrying 15 items from the pantry to the cutting board is NOT a talent. It's a stupid way of tricking us to think that she's getting shit done faster.

10. Garbage Bowl: Incredibly wasteful. Also, see #3.

11. Pet Food: She teaches how to make dishes for your diabetic, overweight pets. Personally some of the stuff she makes I wouldn't serve to a dog.

12. Tag Line: Yum-O is not a tag line or a catchphrase. It's stupid. Stop putting it on t-shirts.

13. Eating Noises: Someone forwarded a video from YouTube.com of Rachael Ray making eating noises. It was 3 minutes long. I threw up in my mouth a little at 1 minute 23 seconds.

14. Oprah: Because of Oprah, now this woman has her own freaking show.

Trees Do Too Much Work With Breezes

Sorry, Annie.

Remember when we raked the backyard last week and gathered up every freaking pine cone from that stupid fricking tree that Dad should have cut down?

Well, it seems the tree was laughing at us, because when I came back from Sarnia it had crapped all over the backyard.

Pinecones everywhere.

I hate trees.

And that's not even because Oprah said she loved them.

Why I Dislike Oprah, Pt. 2

Ok, so I know I make enemies with my statements about Oprah, but seriously this woman is irritating me.

I can appreciate that she wants to unload her ridiculous amount of cash. Very admirable, since no one, and I mean no one, can ever deserve to make $1.5 billion dollars.

I can even appreciate that she sees a need in South Africa, you'd have to be blind and an idiot not to.

However, Oprah's gift tends to leave a bad taste in my mouth. Why is that? She's given $40 million dollars to create this school for girls, undeniably the most vulnerable population in Africa. To create true equality and to end the evergrowing AIDS epidemic gender inequality is the issue that holds this goal back.

Yet still, Oprah's "gift" makes me want to wash myself everytime I hear about it.

So let's break it down, shall we?

1. Selection Process: Let's start with the way Oprah chose the young girls who are going to her school. She picked the best and the brightest, the ones who were able to perform. The young girls who were living in the worst poverty, with the most violence or with the least bit of advantage were not chosen. Oprah (and presumably her team of experts) got to choose the smartest girls (with probably the best stories) to do what? Should I even type it? To make the best episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show". This playing God with these girls lives is a bit distasteful.

2. Re-colonization: Alright, this is an annoying item that seems to be happening on a daily basis in Africa now. One of the biggest problems with African state independence was that the countries that had so brutally colonized them in the past picked up and ran (not walked) back to Europe. They left Africa as a collection of countries who hadn't governed themselves in centuries. As a result, leaders like Amin, Mugabe and Kadaffi emerged. Now, the logical response would be that Africa has to learn how to govern themselves (with a hand up, not a hand out from the countries that destroyed their infrastructure). However, in today's messed up world of "saving" poor little Africans we seem to see to be re-colonizing them. African countries need to be providing health care, education and housing to their own. How do we do that? Well, it's not with rich Westerners coming in like a knight on a horse and telling poor Africans what they need. This drives me crazy. Having people with money do what they want in countries that are experiencing such severe poverty that they have lost their voice does not empower them. I don't disagree that these students should be going to school, but I do disagree with how people (namely, Oprah) go about doing this.

3. What about American high schools, Oprah?: Alright, so Oprah was recently asked why not give cash (in addition to) to schools in America. Her answer? Students are more interested in owning sneakers and iPods than getting a quality education. Um. Ok. Right, superficial desires cloud the minds of your nation's youth. Absolutely. They have unrealistic expectations of what they need, what they deserve, what is necessary. There is an increasing sense of entitlement and selfish- Oh, wait, hey Oprah, when's your "Favourite Things" episode airing again? What's that? Next Fall? Ok. Where was I? Right, selfishness and arrogance- wait a second, hey Oprah, when are you going to give away "free" cars to needy people in an attempt to turn your entire show into a commerical for GM again? Uh huh, ok. Where was I again? Oh yes! How dare the youth of America feel like they deserve extravagant luxury, where would they get an idea like that? Ridiculous.

4. The Oprah Winfrey Academy: Ok, she named the freaking school after herself. I understand that $40 million is a lot of money, but how does this empower the community? How does this allow the community to take responsibility of the school? What's that Oprah? Better ratings, you say?

5. Are the makeovers necessary?: Alright, I can appreciate the dorms, the indoor plumbing, the gym and labs. But what's the connection between all of this and including a beauty parlour in your school? What the hell?

6. A star studded premiere: Why was Mariah Carey at the opening? To inject her dosage of crazy into the school? To scare the children? Please someone explain to me, without fawning over Winfrey like she's the second coming.

7. Oprah Fear: Oprah fear is running rampant. Apparently if you give away a small portion of your fortune (that you will surely make back with all the advertising and the funds you make from selling your soul) and mention at any available point that Maya Angelou is your close friend no one will look at you objectively. What the hell is this about? If you're going to have over 1 billion dollars you're going to have to be a bit responsible with how you spend that money.

I feel better now.