Super Bowl Commercials...A Response

Last weekend the New Orleans Saints beat the Indianapolis Colts in the one of the biggest sports events in the world- the Super Bowl.

Part of the popularity has been the emergence of the bizarre competition for the best (and most expensive) commercial. It's a curious thing when there is an audience for the Super Bowl just for the commercials.

The commercials are often filled with special effects, celebrities, sometimes animals (anyone remember the beer frogs or mustangs?) and hilarious (to some!) jokes.

This year there were a few commercials that were interesting. The first being a commercial with Tim Tebow, a Heisman Trophy winner (for those of you not in the know, this is given to the best college football player in the US). Tebow's commercial had his mom in it, which is not all that unusual for a Super Bowl commercial (remember those Chunky soup commercials with the good NFL mommies heating up soup?). But the odd piece of it was that it was a commercial for "Focus on the Family" the right wing family group. The message was not as explicit as we thought it was going to be, but the it was there. Had Tebow's mother had an abortion the world would have been deprived of his talents with the Gators. What was ignored was that Tebow was born in Manila, Philippines where Tebow's mom wouldn't have even had the option as safe, legal abortions are not, nor ever have been, offered in that country.

But one of the most ridiculous commercials came from Dodge. I'm not even going to post it...but the gist of it is a bunch of dead eyed guys staring into the camera as the voice over extols all of the 'oppressive' things men have to put up with from their partners. And the Dodge vehicle is his escape, so back off bitch.

This is a response to this commercial (youtube it if your curious to see the original), and it made me smile!

Going Gaga

Over the past year my perspective on all things has changed ever so slightly. I can't tell exactly when it all changed (or maybe the word is intensified). Some would say this intensification of my perspective of all things is a bad thing. But not me. Some would say that this intensification of my perspective is unhealthy. But not me. I, for one love this change, and am determined to embrace it fully, as everyone should.

Of course I'm talking about my ability to view almost anything through my feminist lens.

When you start thinking about things in terms of women, power, control and our socialization you begin to see some amazing things. Some of them make me crazy. But more often now, I'm smiling (trust me, big change!).

One of these observations of late is the very interesting figure of Lady Gaga. I'll admit when I first heard Lady Gaga, I enjoyed her music, but quickly I thought "Is this a gimmick? Is the arty stuff overpowering the music?". And then there was her hanging at the MTV video music awards. I'm always concerned when art depicts violence against women for some sort of inspiration.

But then I heard her new stuff on the new album. And then I started to read more and more articles where Gaga spoke about her immense talent ("I don't see myself as being like anyone else"...uhhh, yeah me neither, Stephani Germanotta) and ability to create monster hit song after song.

But then I kept reading and she starts to explain her above quotes, along with others and her answers started making me think...

"I find that men get away with saying a lot in this business, and that women get away with saying very little," she said. "In my opinion, women need and want someone to look up to that they feel has the full sense of who she is and says, 'I'm great.' "

Hm. Something to think about. Besides that her song "Bad Romance" talks about something that was my obsession during my fourth year of university, the commodification of women.

Enjoy.

The Girl Effect

We're Gonna Miss Ya, Kinda

Things we'll miss about you, Gov. Palin...

Folksy mannerisms
Your pronunciations (lack of) your Rs
Your "experience"
Your unnerving mis-education about the Bush Doctrine
Your laws that require rape victims to purchase their own rape kits
Your fucking insane stance on the abortion issue
Your weird winking
Your spending
Tina Fey
Your aversion to pronouncing the letter "g" at the end of words
How you have forever changed what a "Maverick" is
Your destruction of McCain's reputation
Your wardrobe
Your ethics, or lack there of
You mentioning "Main Street" every g-d second
The way you combine people's first name, "the" and their profession (classic!)
The way you bash community organizers (F U)
Your subtle evocations of the ever thoughtful chant of "Drill Baby, Drill"
Pageant jokes
Trying to pass off a part time job as mayor to a town of 9,000 as true experience
Teen pregnancies
Your sentences to Nowhere
Helicopter hunting for the continental US
You're roguish ways
Any interviews you have ever done
Seeing you meet the real Nicholas Sarkozy for the first time
Forced teen marriage
You trying to make the beluga extinct
You checking on Russia every morning from your kitchen window

But most of all I will miss...um...hang on...um...oh yeah.

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

Don't let the door hit you on your ass on the way back to Alaska!

Quiverfull Makes Me Quiver, And Not In A Good Way

Alright, have we heard about this movement? This was just brought to my attention today and I have to say I'm oddly fascinated and terrified at the same time.

Quiverfull essentially means that when two people (man and woman) are married then no birth control (Pill, condom, rhythm method, NOTHING) may be used. Have as many children as you have, each is a blessing, each is from God, etc., etc.

And it seems that this is catching on, in some areas of the world. Most notably in the US and now in Canada.

Hey, if you want to have tons of babies, by all means, go and procreate. It's really no skin off my nose.

However, please don't tell me that if you have 12 children you'll be able to spend as much quality time together. Or that you'll all be happy all the time. Let's be real. When you have a gaggle of babies (just as if you would only have one or none) nothing is perfect. I think this is the part that drives me the most insane. That everything is wonderful, everything is perfect, nothing is ever difficult and sleep is readily available.

For me, I find the most interesting conversation to be about this idea that more and more women are choosing (and in some cases I would use the word 'choose' loosely) this type of family planning.

The idea of a woman essentially being a vessel is a hard idea for me to accept, even if this is what they want. Call me a snob- but I am completely obsessed to know what the personal identity of those women are. Apart from the labels of 'mother' and 'wife', I wonder what they would classify themselves. I would love to pick apart their brain, although I imagine myself say "No, but really, what is your personal identity- without the kids. Because eventually the kids will leave and I want to know what you do for yourself. So tell me."

Then I stumbled over an article that spoke about Andrea Yates. If you don't remember her I'll jog your memory. She was the mother who drowned all five of her young children in the bathtub when her husband was at work. After she was arrested and found that post-partum depression played a large role even more evidence rolled in. According to reports, a couple of days previous to the horrifying deaths of the five Yates children, Andrea started to get pamphlets and visits from her Quiverfull-devoted church. And these visits were not the "how's it going" variety. It seems that people had heard about Andrea's desire to stop having babies and unhappiness with her role as mama.

Hm. Hopefully the lack of support was kept in mind when she was punished (which was deserved).

And then there's the fascination that media has, and in turn a large population of us. Television shows and specials are being massed produced (Duggars anyone?). And the ratings are fantastic. Which is good for them, feeding a brood of 13 children gets expensive. However I had seen some families be very resourceful with saving money (Tater Tots, making clothes, diapers and using all that free manual labour).

I may sound self-righteous about this, but I think my concerns are valid. Couple this with the fact that roles in the families are straight out of Leave It To Beaver (girls are in charge of cooking and sewing, boys in charge of outside maintenance), we should all be talking about this change in family makeup.

But again, I will stress that my mantra "My uterus, my decision, so keep your theology off my biology" swings both ways. So while I have warranted concerns, if the Duggars want to usher in baby number 20 after number 19 is born in January- by all means go for it. *Jessie shudders for Mrs. Duggar's vagina*

She Will SLAM DUNK You!

Check out this MASSIVE fight at last night's WNBA game, Detroit vs. L.A.

Will this make the Olympic bid for gold in Women's Basketball a bit tense?

Well, maybe now people will start watching the WNBA...

Check out a full clip at Perez Hilton...

http://perezhilton.com/2008-07-23-girls-gone-wildin-the-wnba

From The LondonCommons.net

I found this very interesting...

American Apparel's appeal to progressives?

Submitted by Mike McGregor on July 19, 2008 - 1:43pm.

tags:

Have you ever felt conflicted by the urge to support American Apparel's sweat-shop free practices and your reluctance to wear their gaudy clothes in public? I mean "Sweatshop-free" = good, and we always talk about voting with our dollars and supporting progressive companies right?

Well, don't worry about it. When you look a bit deeper, there's some pretty strong indications that American Apparel as a corporate entity isn't much more progressive then a rub-n-tug. By many accounts, AA's image is the fair labour and women's lib equivalent of a "Green Wash" (a "red wash" maybe?). Quite a few stories have popped up about allegations of American Apparel's union busting, degrading adds and the misogynist yuppie that runs it all... Google 'Dov Charney' and see what comes up. The guy is on his fifth sexual harassment lawsuit and his musing on domestic violence are interesting to say the least.

Don't take my word for it:

• http://clamormagazine.org/issues/38/aa/index.php
• http://www.inthesetimes.com/article/2270/

Why I Hate The Dove: Real Beauty Campaign

This is getting ridiculous.

I hate the Dove campaign for real beauty.

I don't disagree that we should be embracing a shapes, sizes, colours, heights, wrinkles, etc., etc.

But the point I've been making for years about this campaign is that it still is A MARKETING CAMPAIGN.

The company, Unilever that owns Dove is probably interested in breaking down stereotypes. But I think it's important to examine intent in this case. Why is Unilever so interested in making me feel as though I'm just as beautiful as the models they used to use in their campaigns? Why has Unilever taken such an interest in making me feel valued? Are they perhaps encouraging me to feel beautiful? I guess there's nothing wrong with that.

So what does it mean to be beautiful? I feel good about myself, I gain confidence...and perhaps I'll feel good enough that I'm afraid I won't feel this forever...therefore I'll want to keep staying beautiful...there for I'll buy Dove products? Hmmm...

Now, don't get all uppity. This is what corporations do. They want to sell there products, make a profit. But for some bizarre reason this thought leaves our heads. Dove wants us to feel happy, proud and excited about ourselves. Dove cares about us. Dove wants us to know that not only are we beautiful, but they acknowledge that we're beautiful.

Ok. So what? Dove is selling products by emotionally manipulating us. That's what commercials are all about. Advertising is an integral part of our lives. Deal with it. Move on and appreciate that Unilever actually does give a shit....

What was that?

Really? No shit, are you serious, Hilary?

Well, that certainly changes things.

Thanks for the heads up Hilary.

Sorry, my friend Hilary just let me know what other products Unilever owns and markets like it's going out of style.

The product?

AXE BODY SPRAY.

Yeah, put that in your self-esteem pipe and smoke it.

If you don't know what Axe Body Spray is, allow me to enlighten you.

Axe Body Spray is Canada's leading male deodorant.

Shall we investigate how Axe is marketed?

What are your thoughts? Since Unilever is so dedicated to enhancing women's self esteem, surely their campaign would transfer to their entire line, right? It would only make sense, really.

Let me just check their website...hm. Interesting.

You will never believe this. It appears that the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty isn't so all inclusive as we are led to believe.

Let me get this straight...Axe is for men. But all I see on their website are pictures of women. How empowering! Um. Except. None of them really look like the Real Beauty women. Wonder why that is.

Let's read some of the stuff about their line...

Ok, ahem, not really what I would expect from a corporation so dedicated to raising self esteem...it seems if you wear the Vice line you can turn nice girls naughty. And if you wear Kilo girls in bikinis will come and you can "...teach them how to rub things together to start a fire." Well, I guess if you're into survival camping that would be use- oh, I get it. Not very empowering there.

Let's keep looking, shall we?

"Axe Effect...internationally recognized name for increased attention Axe wearing males receive from eager and attractive female pursuers".

Eager and attractive? Wow.

And you know what...there's even a box where you can report a "Naughty Girl".

Ok, who makes this shit up?

I get that perhaps this was a failed attempt to make fun of the mating process. But since Axe is #1 in Canada there is cause for concern.

So allow me to enlighten you.

A. Women do not pull off clothing because men smell good.

B. You are living in a dream world if you believe that your armpit stick will induce lust filled antics

C. If you use Axe, you're an asshole.


So, Axe Body Spray and Dove Real Beauty. Kind of doesn't make sense. Even if the Axe marketing is just for fun, doesn't poking fun at women's inability to respect themselves because of shitty shower gel some loser uses because he thinks it will get him commitment free relationships counter act what they're doing?

I mean, the Real Beauty campaign isn't just a commercial. They have actual programs and talk to actual girls.

How does that go?

Girls, feel good in your own skin. You are beautiful. The media has an unattainable image when it comes to the perfect body.

Now boys. Here's your Axe. Spray on, stand back and wait for the onslaught of attractive and eager girls. And don't worry, they will definitely look like the women you drool over in Maxim magazine.

If none of this has stopped you from buying Dove, then maybe Unilever's track record on abusing animals and child labour will.

No? Then you may be interested that Unilever is encouraging women to feel good about their size and shape, but not so much the colour of their skin. In fact if you want to they can sell you a cream that will lighten your skin. It's called "Fair and Lovely".

And if you use it along with other Dove products, well then there are no bounds to your real beauty.

Remembering Ecole Polytechnique and All Women Who Experience Of Gender Based Violence

"Pretty" People Falling Down

Ok, so I love model shows. America's Next Top Model, Canada's Next Top Model...very, very funny.

I think the reason I love these shows is the curing of hubris that assaults the "beautiful" girls...their self-doubt and shaky self esteem that they discover for the first time ever, on camera.

I know it's cruel, but it's reassuring since they always look so fucking sure of themselves. It's good to bring them down a few pegs.

As well, I think it's a bit retarded that we reward people for being genetic freaks. The one major reason I keep watching ANTM is because their models have yet to actual become top models...just a bunch of cute girls who get to watch their dreams disappear.

Ohhh, and "8th and Ocean". If you ever see that on TV, you must catch it. It's a show about a bunch of manic, low self esteem, young, stupid models living in an apartment complex together in Miami that constantly whine, "But in Idaho I was the prettiest girl in school!". Hahaha.

It's every average looking person's revenge. Nothing destroys their self esteem more than meeting another pretty person.

So enjoy this clip from Fashion Television. It's a little hard to take when you hear Jeanne Beker talk about how "...it's not so easy being a model."

Bullshit. It really is JUST walking.

Do you have to use your brain during modeling? No matter how much I love Tyra, she's not going to convince me it takes a lot of grey matter to "negotiate" the catwalk. If wisdom equals better modelling then 35 year old models would be the norm.

Anyway, to be honest I'm tired of the unfriendly model. I don't want you grinning like an idiot, just crack a smile now and then. That's the best part of the fall, when they actually morph from moving coat rack to actual human being.

Eek! The City of London Is All Gay-ified!

Well, if you haven't heard by now that the City of London has decided to make an official proclaimation for Gay Pride Week along with flying the rainbow flag at City Hall then I guess the homophobes haven't gotten to you yet.

After an over decade long ban on all proclaimations the City of London decided to do what it wouldn't in 1995, declare Pride in London.

For those you who don't remember, Diane "Parachute" Haskett refused to declare Gay Pride many moons ago because of personal religious beliefs. She (along with the City of London) were brought before a Human Rights Tribunal and found guilty. Since then the response of City Hall is to not declare ANYTHING. That's nice, isn't it?

Anyway, they decided that this year would be the year that they final start acknowledging that London does indeed have an active gay community. It's hard to ignore this community when the hatred towards them is as pronounced as it is in the city.

Well, as soon as they decided they were going to declare Pride the homophobes and homo-prejudice started coming out of the wood work.

And with them they brought along their tired-ass excuses.

Seriously, if I hear ONE MORE TIME the excuse of "Well, I'm just waiting for the day they declare Heterosexual Week" heads are going to roll.

Ok, here it is...I want everyone to listen.

EVERY WEEK IS HETEROSEXUAL WEEK.

The day that straight couples get beat with baseball bats and lead pipes in front of Jim Bob Ray's Bar while being called "breeders" is the day I'll ask for a Heterosexual Week.

I don't think it's too much to ask to give the gay community a week in which they can celebrate being themselves. Especially when the other 51 weeks out of the year it's fairly dangerous to do so, especially in London.

And I'm really sick and tired of people complaining about the blatant sexuality that is present during Pride, most notably during the Pride Parade.

Again, let's get our thinking caps on, shall we?

If you were told for pretty much your entire life that you were not allowed to hold hands with your partner, kiss, cuddle, throw an arm around or generally be affectionate in public would you maybe over compensate during the one week when it's not so taboo?

And really people, I think we're all just stick in the muds when it comes to sexuality. Calm yourselves, it's only glitter and spandex.

I see more disgusting displays at Masonville Mall in front of SilverCity. And those are the little 12 and 13 year olds...maybe we should be talking about our over sexualizing little girls? Nooooo, having underwire in a training bra is perfectly normal!

I will love, Love, LOVE the day when this city starts getting riled up about things that actually matter rather than spew homo-prejudice bullshit.

A New Classic Fairy Tale

My dad sent this to me, he thought I would appreciate it.

Maybe this one will turn into a bed time classic?

I'm serious. It really should.

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to you when you were little:

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issue on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:

"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

I don't fuckin think so.

Faith Hill is HUGE!

Faith Hill is going to be on the cover of Redbook...and the cover shot was taken from a photo shot done for a Jezabel Fashions (I don't even know what that is).

The kicker?

They totally photoshopped Faith.

Good thing, she's such fattie.

Big, Huge, AMAZING NEWS!

Mark your calendars.

November 19th, 2007 A.D.

This is the day that Jessie gets to hang out with one of her heroes...Naomi Klein.

Yes, you read that right. Naomi Klein.

Alan Leschied will be playing host to Naomi Klein when she comes to UWO for a book thing for her latest work, "The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism".

By now, I may have lost some readers...so let's back up.

Who exactly is Naomi Klein?

In short, she's a brillant woman. She's a journalist, writer, film maker, and intellectual.

And I get to have dinner with her.

She wrote a book called "No Logo: Taking Aim At Brand Bullies" in 2000. It was published shortly after the WTO summit in Seattle and was met with great excitement from those in the activist community. You say "No Logo" in a crowd and people instantly know what you're talking about. This is a book that changed MY life.

I was but a budding activist when the book dropped into my lap. At the time I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen come fall of 2001, when I started my first year of university. Naomi Klein's book opened my eyes about some stuff I had never really thought about. If you haven't read this book, or even heard about it, you must go out RIGHT now and find out about it. If you don't get yourself a copy at least visit the website: www.nologo.org. I might even credit her book (partially) to the reason I majored in globalization (being the anti variety, not the pro).

It's a thought provoking piece on the branding that drives capitalism.

Sweet bliss.

Besides Naomi Klein's own accomplishments (and there are a lot) she's surrounded by amazing people.

She's married to Avi Lewis, who hosted "counterSpin" on CBC for a while, after a stint as the political analyst at MuchMusic (love him). And her mother-in-law is Michele Landsberg, an amazing feminist journalist (Toronto Star, Globe and Mail). And her father-in-law is STEPHEN LEWIS.

Maybe she can adopt me.

So, I get to hang out with her, have dinner with her and pelt her with my questions.

I'm so frigging excited.

SHIRLEY DOUGLAS TALKED TO ME!

Shirley Douglas was right in front of me...she couldn't have gotten any closer.

And she talked to me.

She asked me, "How are you doing, dear?"

Holy crap.

I love ALL the men she's related to.

Reclaiming Words

I've been hearing a lot lately about reclaiming words.

The first time in the past few days has been in the context of the word "squaw". I thought that was interesting enough.

Then, when I was on Facebook I stumbled across some Facebook groups surrounding the reclaiming of the word "queer".

And because of my work I am constantly hearing about the reclaiming of "nigger".

Along with these words there are many others that are attempting to be brought back to the mainstream.

And this got me thinking about the whole reclaiming process. I guess the idea is that a minority group, whether they be women, people of colour, immigrants or whatever, takes a word that has been used to hurt, belittle and keep them down and turns it around. It makes words that used to be offensive now something to be proud of. It makes words their own. It also makes it perfectly alright for the minority to use the word, but completely inappropriate for anyone who doesn't belong to that group to use.

This is where it gets sticky for me, for a variety of reasons.

Firstly, I find something very disingenuous about reclaiming words. Imagine that the movement of people try to reclaim a word is one person. It is my belief that that person needs therapy. I think we need to examine our need to take these words back. These hurtful, disgusting words. Why do we want to use them so badly? My difficulty with this question is that I keep imagining a kid who is being picked on and to spite a bully we stoop to their level. Maybe that's just me.

Think about the motivation behind reclaiming a word. Let's take the word "cunt" for instance. This word is linked to begin with Chaucer in his writings. To make a long story short it has travelled from 1700s to today. And it's always been a word that is hurtful to women. In the past few years there has been a movement to reclaim this word. Make this word suitable for women to use to describe their...area. The idea behind this reclaiming (as it is behind much of reclaiming any words) is that to reclaim the word is to remove the power associated with it. Unfortunately the word "cunt" is still used to insult women. On a daily basis.

My basis for this argument that this particular word cannot be reclaimed also lies in the fact that there is no male equivalent for this word. There is no word for a man's...area that is as shocking or hurtful.

So when it comes to reclaiming words, is it possible to be vulgar without being derogatory?

I can appreciate the attention grabbing factor of these words. The do grab your attention. But kind of in the same way a Michael Moore movie grabs your attention. It shocks you, but you're in such shock that the message that is trying to be sent goes right over your head. You're still reeling from this word. I can only imagine what some people may think about when they see this entry...

I guess my real difficulty is that these words that are trying to be taken back shouldn't have ever showed up in the first place. And maybe, just maybe, getting rid of these words all together would be best for everyone.

VALERIE PRINGLE WAS BEHIND MY WORK!!

Ok, so I was unloading my trunk and I saw CBC cameras behind our building.

To give you all a reference, I work at WAYS and my office is in a group home. The group home is on the Thames River, very beautiful.

As I rounded the corner I saw gleaming red hair.

And I don't want to hear that none of you know who Valerie Pringle is. I mean, who of us didn't have afternoon naps with Valerie hosting "Midday" in the background? The woman's a fucking national treasure.

I suspect Valerie was taping segments of her show, "Antiques Roadshow", which just recently made a stop at UWO.

And being my father's daughter (no matter how hard I try to fight it) I, of course had my new camera with me.

And being my mother's daughter (again, no matter how hard I try) I badgered the CBC staff with my RISE for Youth pamphlets and brochures.

I would love to be interviewed by Valerie Pringle. We could talk about sexual exploitation while bonding over being fair skinned and red haired (I like the term "red haired" better than "redhead", I know Valerie would, too).

I went upstairs to the group home portion of the house and started clicking away. I was taking pictures with one other boy who lives at the house. We instantly bonded.

I really need you people to understand how excited I was. I was literally jumping up and down. But that might have been from the paper fumes.

However, when I went to my department office, no one shared my joy. This just further proved to them what a dork I am.

But I know you understand.

Yippee!

Have A Happy Period? Screw You Always.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years,and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core orDri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach intight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings; kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi-pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse?" I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what some call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles in the George Foreman Grill because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that Canada is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending BS.

And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Loose Lips Are Utterly Idiodic

Alright, so I can't say I was really pleased about Nelly Furtado's change in music from folk-y pop to brazen stereotypical sex kitten...but I had to admit there was a certain catchy beat to her tunes.

And I will even admit to liking a couple of her new songs. I certainly don't hold my musical taste in high esteem, I love to listen to JoJo, and more infamously, Asslee Simpson.

But as I was scrolling around the Bitch Magazine website (a great site, an even better magazine as a response to popular culture, www.bitchmagazine.com) I came across a piece on Ms. Furtado. Check it:

Nelly Furtado: Like a Birdbrain
Great. Another famous women who's only too happy to perpetuate the idea that feminists are all about recruiting other women in their quest to get the entire female populace to hate dudes, renounce their sexuality, and stop shaving. Specifically, pop singer Nelly Furtado, whose vapid equation of feminism with man-hating showed up in no less than three international papers this morning: Nelly Furtado has turned her back on her feminist past because she fears it "brainwashed" her into hating men. The LIKE A BIRD singer admits she dabbled with women's rights when she first became a star, but now she's a single mum with a "secret boyfriend" she's a huge fan of guys. She says, "I went through a feminist phase and read a lot of philosophical stuff. "Some of the male-bashing brainwashed me for a bit so I stopped. I love men." I have nothing to add that isn't a really foul string of expletives.
—A.Z. permanent link Comments (36)

OK, lesson 1 in feminism for Nelly Furtado:

Feminism is not about hating anyone. It's the exact opposite, it's about loving. Loving women, respecting women, and understanding that, yes you may be able to be a success in say, the music industry, but let's not forget, Ms. Furtado that you are still required to strip down to blatant sexuality to sell records.

Remember when you made the folk pop music? Yeah, the first album was fantastic. The second? Yes, it tanked but is your response really going to be to trade it all in for a couple of hits that demean you as a woman? Promiscuous? Maneater?

My mistake, Ms. Furtado. You're completely right. The women's movement has progressed so much that even you can exploit your sexuality for monetary gains.

What the hell is the matter with you?

If anything you are an example of why feminism is so crucial at a time like this. So thank you for your idiocy and your complete misunderstanding.

The man (because I'm assuming a woman wasn't the one who had enough power to put a microphone in your hand) that created your career must be very proud.

I can't even believe you.

For feminism to work not only women have to be on board, but men as well. Hating men is detrimental to feminism, don't you see that, you twit? You've got it backwards.

But thanks for everything...I really appreciate your insight.

Your reaction doesn't add up. You call yourself open minded and interested in grassroots political action. Is this true? Or is this something that you say because it fit the image that you wanted? Now that you're "Loose" are you high tailing it to LA and dumping the independent streak?

WTF?

I'm completely confused.

For crying out loud your own mother was a chambermaid! You'd think you'd be able to identify gender equality by now! But it seems like you wouldn't know it if it smacked you on the ass like a dancer in your video.

Ha, ha! Being a commodity is so hot!

So enjoy it, sister. You may be flying high off of bouncing back from record sales, but when your next album tanks, or a younger, prettier singer comes around we'll see how important feminism is to you then.

But when you're ready, you'll be welcomed back with open arms. Because we don't hate you, we just want to smack some sense into you.

I Took It, Did You?

Thursday night was the annual "Take Back the Night" festivities at Peace Park here in London, Ontario.

There was a great turn out and a great speaker this year (as opposed to last year's speaker who was severely unmotivating) from the Sexual Assualt Centre.

The march went on successfully this year, many people watching were supportive and respectful (except for the couple of cars who tried to run us over).

As we passed the corner of Wellington St. and Dundas St. we were greeted by a group of men (as they aren't permitted to walk) with a sign that read "Men Against Violence Against Women", very heartwarming to see.

This year's festivities only highlighted by the fact that I didn't get burned by my vigil candle...namely because I didn't get one.

All in all, a successful evening!!

"Any woman whose I.Q. hovers above her body temperature must be a feminist."

~R.M. Brown